L Gerrard Notes

I was exploring a world outside of my comfort zone. A more vulnerable world. A more honest world, and that was an honesty that I inhaled and exhaled. I was finally starting to see home. I was finally starting to see myself. 

The project began before I saw myself as an artist. I was planning to go to my hometown and make a short documentary that asked the question “What is home?”. I didn’t pick up my camera on my first trip back. Instead, I took it all in. I sat on the same benches where relationships were made and broken, and I walked paths that had felt my feet a thousand times. It overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t make a single image. I had to sit with those memories for a while and understand what they meant. This is when I started to understand the word “home”. Slowly, it became more important to communicate my feelings rather than my ideas. I dissected my soul on shoot days, and I pieced it back together in the edit suite. Watching the final render percentage climb was a moment of mixed feelings. This project was formative in my life, and I thought it was finished. 

It screened in a few places. We even did a live performance of the score It was terrifying. I told my story as I stared at people that I looked up to and people that doubted me. I can’t blame them; I doubted myself, too. It was exhilarating. I became a new person in that moment. I became an artist. I felt closer to home. I’m still on that journey, I think I even know the way, but my car is broken down, and walking is too slow. This helps though.